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Why do I really worship you?

Why do i really worship you

Is it because i was taken by my parents to church

Is it because you were everything i have ever known

Is it because they told me i would go to hell if i don’t

Is it because i need you to give me want i want

We’ll now i know why

Its because you love me enough to let me go

Its because you love me enough to let me discover the other end

Its because you love me enough to want me in your heaven

Its because you love me enough to say no

Its because i am your sheep ,you are my shepherd

I am your student , you are my teacher

I am your body, you are my soul

I am your servant , you are my master

I am your child, you are my father

I am your will, you are my purpose,

I am your bride, you are my Love

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She was mine first

She was mine first

You said you did but now you don’t

You promised her laughter now its a happy never after

You said she was the one now there’s another one

That you were never going to leave but then you left

She’d always be your sunshine now you are her darkness

You said you loved her but then you unloved her

I should let you know that she is mine

for her i paid with my own life

From her mama’s womb to the hairs on her head

I know much more than she knows of herself

I can tell the pain, I can feel the hurt,

I can smell her fear, I can taste her frustrations

I can hear her cries, I can make out her disappointment

I don’t need you to make her smile i can make her laugh

I can give her love, fill her with joy, wrap peace around her

Guard her with patience and let kindness lead her,

gentleness could be her brother,faithfulness her lover

she could bask in humility’s sun, Self control could be her power

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God the father

And the love of God…..

You are a breath of fresh air. I have never seen you but there is something about you . Let’s talk about your person shall we? How could you be so powerful yet so grounded at the same time? I mean when you asked Cain where his brother was i believe his answer was “Am i my brother’s keeper?” I wouldn’t get away with that with my mother , somehow you are not angry with him. Even when humanity had spiraled heavily in sin , you asked Noah to build an ark and you were still ready to save everyone if only they got into the ark. It’s like saying i am going to punish you but i don’t have to, you still have a chance to save yourself. The one which touches the heart the most is , despite Sodom and Gomorrah having reached the peak of their sin , you told Abraham if you could find just ten good people in the city you would save the whole of it.

You had human friends. You loved Abraham so much ( okay to be fair it wasn’t easy to see why) you couldn’t lift a finger before letting him know what you are upto. When Abimilech attempted to take Abraham’s wife (I wouldn’t blame Abimelech , he didn’t know) , you did a little diplomacy of your own to get him to give her back. You spoke to Moses face to face, let him see your back when you left because you didn’t want Him dying on you. You called David a man after your own heart ( Yeah , you see everyone loves great music , even you) and he was just like us, messed up in the head . The list is long i don’t think i would finish if i started.

You also have a sense of humor. You made a donkey talk on Balam ( that was fantastic) , you made Nebchadnezzar eat grass ( Okay that wasn’t funny but when someone pictures it’s actually hilarious). That part where the ark of the covenant is stolen and put next to Dagon a philistine god and they find him on the floor the next day was funny. The fact that they found him in pieces when they made him stand next to it again ( you were like men, i don’t share my space, move). You made Saul take of his clothes and dance with the prophets ( a whole king) humiliating but i loved it. keep doing what you are doing.

Lastly, you loved, you loved everyday like it was the last day you would ever do it. I like the way you would tell your people that you would punish them but then you’d always make the first move in reconciling with them. You see through people it didn’t matter to you that Jesus’s ancestors were a liar( Jacob) , a daughter in law who slept with her father in law ( Tamar), a prostitute ( Rahab) , a foreign widow( Ruth), an adulterous man( David) , you saw past their choices for who they really were. That is why despite never having seen you physically my heart has always and will forever love you.

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So what now… love?

I haven’t felt the need or the push to pray Corona away.Very surprising because that’s my first reaction whenever something this heavy is going on. Anyway i learnt from someone who probably loves you more than i do that when you are not speaking i should be quiet to and that praying for your will to be done is always the right approach.

It kind of reminded me when you were in the garden of gethsemane and was asking for the cup to be taken from you, sweating blood. That must have been some heavy anguish then you prayed the five letter words we like to dread or i like to dread let me speak for myself, let thy will be done. The thing is we usually don’t know what your will is or whether we will like it but i am getting to understand really fast you are not about our liking but our growth as a people.

Just when i thought i knew the Lord’s prayer or just how powerful it is i am rediscovering that i still have to learn a lot about. Our father who art in heaven so you are a dad, a parent.hallowed be thy name and here i thought we invented the word hallo, but my best guess is we should be calling on you more. thy kingdom come, thy will be done.So everything happens on your terms okay,okay hence the seek thee first the kingdom of God and everything else shall be added unto you.Symbiotic relationship , love it already.

Give us this day our daily bread sounds like everyone’s prayer during this time and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. I am afraid that the first part is more applicable to us than the second one. It appears corona exposed our intolerance of others and it is bad. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.There are a myriad of temptations during this corona with more time to do nothing but think and be on the internet, that might be the only thing we need to get into a bad place. Whatever you do don’t let us sink because i am discovering that it ain’t that hard, you don’t even have to be determined. In fact , help is given and going very low is a possibility

For thy is the kingdom the power and the glory forever and ever amen. We need to trust you . For everything lives, moves and has their being in you. That is our only solution now. We like to argue there are many ways to kill a rat which i say to absolutely but if we are coming out of this victorious we need you because unless we want those victories that defeat us . I stick with you .

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When i …love…I am sorry

The One in ME

When i say i won’t do it again and then i do it, i am not trying to hurt you sometimes the push is just so strong i am sorry

When i say i will do this but end up doing the other i am not trying to test your patience i am sorry love.

When i say that i am yours but give my time to everyone else but you i am not trying to cheat on you , i am sorry love

When i give my best in everything else and bring the rest to you i am not trying to be a burden i am sorry love.

When i always ask but are not willing to give in when you ask i am not trying to be a parasite i am sorry love

When i always talk but barely listen i am not trying to be a snob i am sorry love

When i expect things to always go my way but not yours i am not trying to be selfish i am sorry love

When you say no and i show myself out of your life i am not trying to be difficult i am sorry love

When you expect me but i do not show up i am not trying to be unavailable i am sorry

When you love me with all you have but i break your heart i am not trying to be insensitive love i am sorry

When you always paid the ultimate price for everything i had done i wasn’t trying to be heartless i am sorry love

My jesus, short story ,love, reality , blog

Love You Said

The One in ME

You said worship no other God but me

I worshiped all of them but you

And look how that turned out for me

you said make no images

I bowed down to money ,fame,sex and power

and now i am a slave to them all

You said don’t call my name in vain

It looked better as a cuss word in my eyes

I didn’t know the grave i was digging for myself

You said keep my day holy

How better to do that than profane it

Guess it was only a matter of time…

You said honor your father and mother

i had my father and mother honor me

Well its not their life that is going down the drain

You said don’t commit murder

I did worse , i endorsed it,said it was the mother’s dreams that mattered

I am dead on the inside

You said don’t commit adultery

Why, my sexuality my choice

The consequences were not

You said do not accuse anyone falsely

I lived to tell a lie another day

My whole life slowly became a lie

You said do not covet another’s property

It was my right to want good things for myself,so i thought

Until the day i realized that the lush green grass on the other side was growing on sewage.

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What’s different about your love, love…

Your love is patient , it waits . It watches while i walk my own path, it follows me around, not stalking just always seems to be somewhere around.It travels up and down with me all the while having the hope that i will turn around and with its always open arms will always be ready to catch me.Your love is kind. It shows up, it stays , it warms up , it serves .

It is not irritable or resentful. It loved the tax collector like it loved the disciples. It loved the adulterous woman like it loved the thief. It loved the unclean woman like it loved the paralyzed man.It had time to heal the blind man just like it had the time for the demon possessed man. You love is kind . It shows up, it stays, it warms up, it serves.

It is not jealous or boastful. It does not take without giving back. Its not out there to make an example of me unless the example is good. It won’t destroy or kill me . It will not use me and dump me when it’s convenient to do so. It’s not looking to prey on me. As i said love,your love is kind. It shows up, it stays , it warms up , it serves.

It does not keep a record of wrongs. As it is slow to anger so is it quick to forgive . It sees more than just what i did , it sees who i am. It does not seek its own way. If i walked away you would let me go, Love. You would stay close just in case i came back and i am always ever welcome back no matter how far out i went and to whom, you will always have me back.

It endures all things, hopes for all things and has faith. It knows that i am not easy so it bends backwards for me. It knows i will lose my hope at times so it remains hopeful for me. It hopes against all hope that one day i will look back and return home even when sometimes it knows that might never be the case.

It never fails. It could feel as though you are not around but its that time when you are the closest. It will never run out on me. It doesn’t give up . It puts the work. Lives to fight a day . Like i said Love, your love is kind. It shows up, it stays , it warms up, it serves.

My jesus, short story ,love, reality , blog

I know your secret, Love….

i know your secret,love……..

I will whisper it in your ear , even though everyone will hear. They say you don’t have a weakness which would be true except for that little big one, you can’t stop loving.You love broken hearts because you know something about yours being broken. You love and you lose but your heart stands up, dust itself and loves again. It’s got holes, like those in your hands and feet. It bleeds ,it heals, it scars and then just like it braces its love for another punch.

It started with the Lucifer your most perfect creation. So beautiful was he you named him the morning star, how you loved him but he turned on you, betrayed that love and you thrust him out, didn’t kill him, you could have, some say you should have, he will eventually get what he deserves , not yet love but we would not understand.Then the angels, your own sons who sacrificed your glory for the lust of women. You let them, didn’t stop them , you wanted them to chose you, they chose against you. So you see love you can’t stop loving.

You wanted to destroy mankind with water after we got so evil it was printed in our faces. Still i don’t understand because you were willing to save them all if they got to the ark. We chose against you , paid the ultimate price but it was our choices not your love that was in question. For the sake of ten good men you were willing to save the whole of Sodom and Gomorrah, again Love, they chose against you, it was not your love that was in question.

Even as they turned against you , your nation, countless times when someone intervined on their behalf you listened and changed your mind. Other times when you heart got so broken you didn’t want to hear from them anymore , you pushed them away, let the consequences of their actions get to them but here’s the little problem your heart wouldn’t let you be angry forever and soon you wanted to save them all over again. There is something about that heart because David wanted it too,well keep it very safe because mine has one goal to catch Yours.

And even though you knew who we really were, adulterous, prostitutes, thiefs, tax collectors, unclean, widows, paralyzed, demon possessed you allowed us in.You forgave us, you promised us heaven, you ate with us, you let us touch you, you resurrected those we loved, you healed us , you set us free. After all of that we still put you on the cross and you said because i will never forget,” Forgive them, for they know not what they do. ”If we never make it to heaven love, its because we chose against you , it is not your Love that was in question. Still love, i know your secret, you have a little big weakness, You will never stop loving.

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To Him Who’s on the Throne

To God

From me

I’ve never seen you, but you sure are familiar. Never heard your voice audibly but you talk to me , those verses, that preaching, that song, i hear you. I am sorry i don’t always listen though. I love you ,i always have. Looking foward to seeing you someday not now but someday. After i use everything you’ve given me for your glory and honor.

I love that i can touch you without really touching you and you read my thoughts.All those times that you’ve made my thoughts a reality . A welcome surprise it really is. I fear you and love you in equal measure. I fear that i may not be enough but you’ve loved me too much for that. I fear that i am not that impressive but you can be impressive in me for the both of us.

Do you really see me? and if you do what do you see? what is my name, not the one my parents named me the one you call me? I asked the Holy Spirit to do something for me to you on my behalf , did He do it? You know you are my everything , don’t you? My actions may fail me, my decisions betray you but i could never lose you because i don’t know what i would do if i did.

I love your heart. It loves hard, it gets broken many times but it has never stopped loving . Don’t you ever get tired of getting hurt? i read all those stories where you would get so mad you didn’t want to listen anymore. The thing is i realized your heart just won’t let you and it was always you who was the first one to reach out.You know how i look like and i can’t even guess how you look like. I am not asking to see you because i may not live to tell the story tomorrow but my heart knows you are there it stretches its hand to you.

This is crazy and i can’t believe i am writing this but I LOVE YOU . I love you for all the wrong we’ve done by you but you would still choose us over everything. For the undeserving love that you give us and because you are always in my ceiling when i go to sleep, okay that’s always where i imagine you.Oh yeah, i will be very much looking to hear from you.

My jesus, short story ,love, reality , blog

They asked me who you are ,Love ….

this is what i said

You are the gentle lamb, the lion of Judah

the living water, ferocious fire

the faithful servant,the King of kings

the prince of peace, the Mighty Warrior

the restorer, the ultimate destroyer

the son of man , the son of god

the resurrection, the life

the heart mender, the chain breaker

the savior,the ultimate judge

the beginning , the end